Here comes the mummy stuff.

I never liked little babies. I was never the one to go ‘awww so cute’ each time I saw an infant. In fact I was afraid to hold them lest they should fall. But all this changed when I had my own not one, not two but three of them within a span of seven years. There was no rush of motherhood when they were actually born, the physical pain and the feelings of helplessness overwhelmed me completely. I was unhappy and angry when I was supposed to be glowing with happiness. It was confusing…all those smiling new moms made me wince with guilt. Why was I not happy? Then there were well meaning advices from everybody I met on how to raise my kids. Some of which I sincerely tried to follow but failed because I am not a thorough person and like to be guided more by instinct than rule.

Love did come. Not like a mad rush overflowing but like the slow trickling rain it slowly filled my heart, growing each day as I watched my babies grow. Azam is now 13, Aatif 10 and Amjad 7. What a journey this promises to be! Three different souls to nurture, three different  minds to liberate,  three different taste-buds to satisfy AND one very messy room to clean up(probably the easiest).  I am like a listener with my antennae tuned to three different channels at the same time, absorbing every little thing they are trying to express and loving every bit of it. My life now totally revolves around them and it is a pleasure to watch them grow. I’ve finally understood that all the hype surrounding motherhood is true but takes its own time to seep in…Love you my dear sons.